New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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