Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
