i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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