You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
