While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
