If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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