Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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