I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
