I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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