why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
