Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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