If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
