Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
