Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
