I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
