I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
