i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
