I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
