just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Hippo gnu deer
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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