my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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