she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
