it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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