I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
