Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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