I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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