Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
No stitches, just platelets and will power
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
