Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
