If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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