I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
