return my video game
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
