We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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