found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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