come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
