Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize