Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
