i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
