dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
