Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
