I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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