sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All the doctor said was why
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
