meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
