I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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