I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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