Did you just see the Batmobile???
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
