we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wear drunk well.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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