Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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