you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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