I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
