My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
