I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize