Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
