I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
