On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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