And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
