for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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