So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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