Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
