I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Found your dick twin last night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
