It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
