He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
