How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
