Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
