Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
