Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
