I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Where did you get a picture of my penis
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
pray to the hookup gods
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
