The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
