After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
