Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've blown a few things in my day
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
