You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
