Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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