So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
