I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i drank out of a bidet.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
