my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
