i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
