no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the day after is always just damage control
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
