Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
